I’ve been reading Pastor Levi Lusko’s 2018 book “I Declare War”, and I’ve found it incredibly encouraging. Lusko is very frank about his struggles with moodiness, which is something I relate to hardcore. I devoured the first section of the book about controlling what you think, and by combining it with cognitive behavioral therapy techniques I’ve been able to control some of my darker thoughts.
Today, I’m reading a chapter out of the second section, which deals with controlling what we say. I am unabashedly my harshest critic, and for a long time I sort of romanticized that about myself. I can’t explain it, other than I guess I thought if I hated myself and my works, while others saw something great I would appear tortured. Gag me with a spoon.
This is a total lie. Oh, sure it made me look tortured, but is that romantic? I don’t think so. No, all my negative thoughts about myself just made my friends and family really worried about me. I can’t blame them; they had a right to be worried. I was in a very negative headspace, and allowed myself to stay in it for a long time.
I use to think telling myself positive thoughts, or speaking positive words, when I was feeling negative was being fake. As a result, I had no way of escape from myself, and the inner loathing I had inside. I’d seek out help from friends, but because I was so dead set on my existence being cursed, eventually they would throw up their hands and say “Look man, I can’t help you if you don’t want to be helped.” It’s a dark place to be in, and I’ve come to realize the only way to find the exit is to speak light into existence.
Lusko talks about how God created with His word, and He gave man the job of naming every animal (Genesis 2). The point is words end up creating a reality. If I tell myself every morning that I’ll never finish my book, I will certainly never finish it. If I go out every day and say “I’ll be alone forever” I will assuredly be alone forever. This isn’t to say that we have ultimate control over our circumstances, and God doesn’t. God, obviously rules all and directs our steps.
However, we know God’s plans for us are good. If we are going out everyday talking about how doomed we are, it shows that we don’t have much faith in God to make our lives incredible. Without faith, we can’t talk to God. Without talking to God, we can’t tell Him what we want, and He certainly can’t tell us what we need.
I’m praying today that God will help me control my tongue. I’m asking God’s Spirit to fill me up, and help me control the reality I’m speaking into existence. I’m asking Him to change my mindset from hateful to grateful. I’m asking Him to identify and capture every lie I tell myself.
The Timshel Thinker 